Separation and Divorce
Separation and Divorce
No couple ever wants to end up separated or divorced, but once a relationship has unravelled to a point where it’s beyond repair, it can become an inevitable reality. Letting go of a relationship—or reshaping it, in order to successfully co-parent children—can be mentally and physically demanding. It’s not easy to face an uncertain future, while coming to grips with lost plans and dreams. Yet the completion of a relationship can also be a time of hope and potential transformation. Therapy can help you work toward a healthier outlook on divorce, and see this traumatic change as an opportunity to emerge stronger than ever.
Please note Your Therapy does not handle high-conflict divorce situations. However we are able to refer you to mental-health professionals specializing in this area.
Adults
Some relationships deteriorate slowly over months or years, while others can fall apart more suddenly. No matter how it happens, the failure of a marriage or common-law relationship turns your world upside down. It brings up a range of volatile emotions, including sadness, loneliness, depression, guilt, frustration, anxiety, anger and even fear. Many people will ruminate over what they see as a failure, and these thoughts can make you feel stuck, and unable to move forward.
It’s important to understand that with the end of a relationship, comes grief. This grief is a complex emotional process often involving shock, denial, anger and depression. Talking to a therapist can be extremely beneficial, and give you an outlet for your concerns and frustrations, as you work through many difficult thoughts and feelings.
On a practical level, therapy can also help you create tangible goals and develop coping mechanisms. Some of these may include sticking to (or creating) a regular routine, undertaking self-care activities such as seeing friends or exercising, or simply taking a break to look after yourself. Separation/divorce can create deep wounds that take time to heal. But with the right outlook, it is possible to adjust to your new realties, and rebuild a satisfying and productive life for yourself and your loved ones.
Children
Talking to children about divorce is a daunting and emotionally fraught experience. Some parents may be able to work together, while others are too overcome with acrimony to even be in the same room. Since every situation is different, it’s important to determine the best way to share this difficult news with kids.
Ideally, telling children about divorce should be planned out in advance, with both parents agreeing on exactly how and what to communicate to their child or children. And no matter how the news is delivered, it will have an emotional impact. Kids often blame themselves, and worry that the separation is their fault. So they need reassurance—ideally from both parents together. Teens will often be angry, which can lead to problems at school, parental defiance and other behavioural turmoil.
Yet these unfortunate outcomes are not inevitable. The best predictor of how children will do during and after their parents divorce, is how well their parents get along. So it’s critical to work with your partner on developing a co-parenting strategy, to minimize angry interactions and to avoid blaming each other. Instead you need to find a way to increase your kids’ feelings of security and stability in this unsettled time, and develop an in-tune parenting approach.