Do you apologize for everything? For speaking up in meetings? For taking the last slice of pizza? For existing in elevators? Do you say “sorry” when someone bumps into you? If that sounds familiar, it might be time to start taking up space in the world.
“Taking up space” is a therapeutic concept that means allowing yourself to exist fully and authentically, without apologizing for your presence, needs or identity. It’s about recognizing that we all have a right to occupy physical, emotional, and social space. Unfortunately, many of us tiptoe around our own lives, trying not to inconvenience anyone. This often stems from anxiety, negative self-talk, low self-esteem or old messages that taught us our needs didn’t matter.
I’ve been thinking about this lately after a visit with a young man I know. He’s six feet tall and fit, but he told me about being harassed on transit. My husband was flabbergasted, and immediately saw the problem. “You’re not standing up straight, your feet are too close together and you’re slouching,” he said. “No wonder they see you as a target.”
Of course, this is rarely simple. Many people, particularly those with histories of trauma, anxiety or low self-worth, unconsciously shrink themselves. They speak quietly, avoid eye contact, apologize constantly and defer to others. But addressing the physical part can begin to shift the mental patterns, too. I encourage clients to be present in the moment, and move through the world mindfully. That means standing with your feet hip- or shoulder-width apart and your head up. And not walking down the street looking at your phone. Look the world in the eye, instead of bowing your head to a screen.
To be clear, this isn’t about being obnoxious, aggressive or taking more than your share of space. But the way you hold your body really does affect your mood. It significantly reduces anxiety and stress. When you act from a place of presence, it changes how you feel, and how people respond to you.
Not long ago, I was walking to work down a laneway by myself. Coming from the other direction was a very large, heavily bearded man with an intimidating biker-type vibe. I’m a small woman and felt a flicker of apprehension, but I met his eyes and nodded. He smiled back, and said “Lovely morning!”. I want to acknowledge that I share this story not to overlook the genuine concerns women face about safety, but to gently explore the complex mix of caution, hope, and everyday courage that shapes how we take up space in the world. These moments remind me how important it is to hold space for both our vulnerability and our resilience, especially as we navigate the world with care and kindness.
That moment reminded me how simple presence can shift a dynamic. Women, in particular, are often taught to avoid eye contact, to stay small.
Naturally, taking up space isn’t the full treatment for the kinds of issues I mentioned above. You still have to do the internal work. But clients often ask for practical tools, and this is one. If you practice these actions every day, you’ll notice real differences in your life. In yet another example of the mind-body connection, taking up space can reduce anxiety and people-pleasing, and lead to improved boundaries, self-worth and confidence.
It can be hard to stop shrinking yourself, especially if you’ve spent years blending into the background. But the next time you catch yourself apologizing for just being—pause. Straighten your shoulders. Take a breath. You have a right to be here, just as you are. And who knows? By taking up your space, you might just inspire someone else to do the same.
Anu Chahauver is a Registered Social Worker and Psychotherapist at Your Therapy.
Your Therapy is a safe, welcoming, counselling therapy practice in the Greater Toronto Area. Thanks for reading and, as always, please feel free to reach out with questions about talk therapy or other mental health issues. We offer Individual, Couple and Family Therapy.
