Do you apologize for everything? For speaking up in meetings? For taking the last slice of pizza? For existing in elevators? Do you say “sorry” when someone bumps into you? If that sounds familiar, it might be time to start taking up space in the world.
“Taking up space” is a therapeutic concept that means allowing yourself to exist fully and authentically, without apologizing for your presence, needs or identity. It’s about recognizing that we all have a right to occupy physical, emotional, and social space. Unfortunately, many of us tiptoe around our own lives, trying not to inconvenience anyone. These patterns are often shaped by our early life experiences, family dynamics and culture. Often stemming from anxiety, negative self-talk, low self-esteem or old messages that taught us our needs didn’t matter.
I’ve been thinking about this lately after a visit with a young man I know. He’s six feet tall and fit, but he told me about being harassed on transit. My husband was flabbergasted, and we were taken aback at the idea that this six-foot-tall man was running into physical harassment. After some discussion, we all noted that the young man was not standing up straight, his feet were too close together, and he was slouching. My husband noted that “They see you as a target.” It reminded all of us how our posture and presence can unintentionally communicate vulnerability, regardless of size or gender.
Of course, this is rarely simple. Many people, particularly those with histories of trauma, anxiety or low self-worth, unconsciously shrink themselves. They speak quietly, avoid eye contact, apologize constantly and defer to others. But addressing the physical part can begin to shift the mental patterns, too. The holidays, in particular, offer countless small moments to practice taking up space – whether it’s speaking up at a family dinner, expressing a preference, or allowing yourself to be seen rather than slipping into the background. I encourage you to be present in the moment, and move through the world mindfully. That means standing with your feet hip or shoulder-width apart and your head up. This means, try not to walk down the street looking at your phone. Look the world in the eye, instead of bowing your head to a screen.
To be clear, this isn’t about being obnoxious, aggressive or taking more than your share of space. But the way you hold your body really does affect your mood. Over time, it can help to significantly reduce anxiety and stress. When you act from a place of presence, it changes how you feel, and how people respond to you. Taking space is about grounding yourself and creating internal safety.
Not long ago, I was walking to work down a quiet laneway. Coming from the other direction was a very large, heavily bearded man with a tough, biker-type presence. As a small woman alone, I noticed a flicker of fear—a natural and understandable response given the very real issue of violence against women. I trusted that instinct, stayed aware, and also chose to meet his eyes with a brief nod. He smiled warmly and said, “Lovely morning!”
That moment reminded me how powerful simple presence can be. Many women are socialized to make themselves smaller—avoid eye contact, take up less space, remain unseen in order to stay safe. While it is essential to honour our intuition and prioritize safety, it’s also worth noticing the moments when grounding ourselves and showing up with confidence can gently shift the dynamic. Presence doesn’t replace instinct or caution—it simply offers another tool for moving through the world with internal resiliency.
Naturally, taking up space isn’t the full treatment for the kinds of issues I mentioned above. You still have to do the internal work to deal with issues of anxiety, fear, and self-esteem. But clients often ask for practical tools, and this is one. If you practice these actions every day, you’ll slowly and steadily, notice real differences in your life. In yet another example of the mind-body connection, taking up space can reduce anxiety and people-pleasing, and lead to improved boundaries, self-worth and confidence. Even small changes—lifting your chin or taking a moment before apologizing unnecessarily—can begin to reshape long-standing patterns.
It can be hard to stop shrinking yourself, especially if you’ve spent years blending into the background. But the next time you catch yourself apologizing for just being—pause. Straighten your shoulders. Take a breath. You have a right to be here, just as you are. And who knows? By taking up your space, you might just inspire someone else to do the same. Start with one small shift, one small moment, one small interaction over the holidays, one intentional moment of taking space.
Anu Chahauver is a Registered Social Worker, Psychotherapist and Director at Your Therapy.
Your Therapy is a safe, welcoming counselling therapy practice in the Greater Toronto Area. Thanks for reading and, as always, please feel free to reach out with questions about talk therapy or other mental health issues. We offer Individual, Couple and Family Therapy.
