The Need for Boundaries

I was talking with a friend a little while ago about the representations of therapists that you seen in movies and on TV, and how most of them are shockingly inappropriate. He pointed out that bad therapy seems to make for good drama (or comedy). That may be so, but it really gives people the wrong idea. The examples of bad therapists go from Dr. Marvin in What About Bob? to Dr. Melfi in The Sopranos, to the recent TV show Shrinking, to well, almost all of them. In fact, it’s hard to think of a good one.

What most of these terrible TV and movie therapists have in common, is a lack of strong boundaries. That’s a huge problem, since boundaries are essential in therapy. This is a big and important topic, so in this blog I’m going to explain a little about why boundaries are so necessary. And then in my next blog, I’ll give some examples, and explain ways to tell when therapeutic boundaries are not as solid as they should be.

What Are Boundaries

Simply put, boundaries are the framework in which the client-therapist relationship takes places. These boundaries ensure the relationship is professional and safe for the client. If you like sports or visual metaphors, you can think of boundaries as marking out the field where our work will take place, and where psychological services are delivered.

That’s the clinical explanation. In a more practical sense, therapists make great efforts to create a safe, trusting, nurturing environment. This kind of environment lets clients be vulnerable, and explore their most personal thoughts, without worrying that they’re being judged. As the professional in this relationship, it’s very much up to the therapist to set boundaries. When that doesn’t happen, it really destabilizes the client-therapist dynamic. As a client, you want someone who’s kind, compassionate and non-judgemental, but who can also push you when needed. Boundaries create the kind of safety and trust where that’s possible.

Modelling Healthy Boundaries

Going a little deeper, healthy boundaries help the client look at, and explore things in their life. This lets the client take ownership of the process, and go at their own pace and learn to trust themselves. Therapy is, in many ways, a microcosm of the rest of the client’s world. Many people enter therapy after years—or even a lifetime—of unhealthy relationships. Therapy could literally be their first time experiencing a compassionate, healthy, listening relationship. So these therapeutic boundaries also offer a model for what healthy boundaries in other relationships look like.

Now that I’ve explained a bit about why these professional boundaries are so important, in my next blog I’ll give some examples of poor boundary setting, and why therapists and clients can’t be friends.

Anu Chahauver, MSW, RSW is a registered social worker / psychotherapist specializing in individual, family, couple and parent based treatment of anxiety and other concerns at our clinic.

Your Therapy is a safe, welcoming, counselling therapy practice in the Greater Toronto Area. Thanks for reading and, as always, please feel free to reach out with questions about therapy or other mental health issues.